The One When I Broke Protocol


The first step to starting a new adventure is having to end another one.

Today was my last day at work. This was one of the first few steps I needed to take before I could start the imminent adventure I am about to dive into. Even just handing over my resignation letter took a lot of courage for me to do. You know how they say that sometimes the first step is the hardest one to take? Agreed.

A few weeks leading up to my last day (at work), I was already starting to feel guilty and sad. I honestly never thought leaving my job was going to have this much impact on me. I’m actually sad, but at the same time happy and excited because it brings me closer to Monchee.

I know that this sadness is just temporary, I can admit that. But it just feels heavy right now. Seeing my friends tear up as I wave them goodbye added more weight on my already heavy heart. I broke protocol so many times today, it’s insane! Imagine having to leave people you care about and not being able to give them hugs? Screw that! I’m breaking protocol! You get a hug and you get a hug and you get a hug!

If I’m being completely honest, I don’t understand what they see in me. I don’t see anything good about me, nothing so remarkable. But whatever it is, it fuels my spirit enough to make me smile even when I’m having a bad day.

I’m going to miss everyone. I’m going to miss driving my usual route to work. I’m going to miss calculating if I have enough time to get (venti) Iced Matcha Green Tea (with soy milk and light ice) from Starbucks or three hash browns (yes, three. leave me alone) from McDonald’s. I’m going to miss smiling at people even when half my face is covered with my mask and the other half is covered with my square-framed eyeglasses. I’m going to miss filling up my hydro flask with more ice than water but ending up drinking iced decaffeinated coffee instead. I’m going to miss looking at my shoes and the carpet (while walking down the hall) because I’m so damn shy that I cannot directly look at people’s faces without getting so nervous. I’m going to miss having root beer float every Monday, walking down the 23-34 hallway while also low key checking what snacks they have in the activity room. I’m going to miss tracking people down in the cameras (and still having no luck finding them). I’m going to miss a lot of things and a lot of people, let’s leave it at that.

I’m not crying (at this very moment, congratulations to me!). OK, I’m glad I got that out of my system. Phew! Made it through the end of this post without breaking down. Thank you, self.

On that note, 807605864 now signing off…

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